I woke up one morning and could hear a high pitched noise in my ears, I turned to my husband and asked him what he thought it might be, 'tinnitus' he replied. No, it couldn't be I was in my mid-forties, wasn't tinnitus something you got when you were older with failing hearing? Well I couldn't have been more wrong!
Off I went to the doctors and they confirmed it was probably tinnitus, but they would send me off to a specialist to get my ears checked out anyway. I left the surgery with these words quite literally ringing in my ears, 'if it is tinnitus some people find it gets better after a few weeks, if not there's no cure and you'll have to learn to live with it'.
There was my first pang of fear as I thought 'live with it!', but it was quickly followed by a feeling of calm as my next thought was 'let's wait and see, it might be better in a few weeks, just like the doctor said'. It's amazing how one thought can change how you feel, for now I was feeling OK, I chose to believe it would soon go away. I was sticking with the good feeling thought.
A few week's passed by but the tinnitus didn't go away, 'that was fine' I thought the specialist will give me answers. Then came my appointment with the specialist who after a few tests informed me there were no obvious problems, I just had tinnitus and there was no cure, I would just have to learn how to live with it. I was given a leaflet on how best to help myself and some websites where I could get support if I couldn't cope or was feeling depressed, as some 'sufferers' can feel suicidal.
I went home and sat by myself to seek my truth, aware of my mind making statements such as 'how will I cope', 'I can't live like this', 'who would want to live like this'. Then I heard the thought 'I'll never hear silence again', immediately a rush of absolute panic filled my whole body, so much so that it literally took my breath away. I gasped and tears came to my eyes.
Within a moment of hearing this thought the truth rose from within me alongside a deep feeling of peace, as I sat and listened intently to the noise in my ears, no longer afraid, but willing to make friends with the noise, to allow a space for it to be heard and as such accepted.
My truth was I wouldn't hear silence again, this was absolutely true, but now I was OK with that as I equally realised the noise did not stop me from meditating, from seeking my truth, nothing could ever stop me from knowing my truth, that even beyond the noise was silence, I could feel it even if I could no longer hear it. The silence was beyond all physical noise, even tinnitus.
I had through realising my truth, accepted what a moment ago was unacceptable and had brought such fear to me. As the days passed I was no longer focused on the noise as there were no fearful thoughts trying to put my attention on it. Although it was still there I could no longer hear it, unless it occasionally peaked and caught my attention or I consciously put my attention on it. Tinnitus was no longer bothersome to me in any way, I was free of the fearful thoughts that came with the tinnitus, and yes I still have tinnitus but despite what the doctors said, I do not suffer it.
If you want to find the silence behind your tinnitus and be free of suffering, learn the SEJ and find your own personal truth.